This was written a couple days ago… 

There are people that I am inexplicably drawn to. I tend to run into them in random cities at the most random times. It is like our souls can feel each other and need to connect.

I have felt off for a very long time lately. Like I have a huge wall up and can’t, no won’t, let emotions affect the deepness within. I have been protecting myself in a way.

But that’s not good. I don’t want to live like that. At the beginning of 2014 I was a bit too open energetically and my intuition was so crazy accurate that it scared people. Something happened though the day I stepped foot into Alaska and it felt like my intuition was turned off. Like a light switch.

I have tried to get it back. I have to a small degree, but nothing like it was. Nothing like what I need.

I ran into an old friend yesterday at Whole Foods that I have run into all over the US. He sees me in a way that most people cannot. He too felt the wall I had up around my heart. It is very evident to anyone who knows me very well. Which, sadly, most don’t. I don’t allow many people to see the real me, even though they think they might. They don’t. I only let them and you see a small portion of who I am really am.

Tomorrow I will see another man that I have ran into seven different times in various cities. This man, oh this man, scares me. In a good way. We shared just one kiss a few years ago and it changed my life. One kiss was a game changer. Can you even imagine?

Whenever I even just touch his arm, I feel it in my toes. The passion and electricity between us is like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. My soul feels alive when I am around him – it is a crazy insane feeling that I still have a hard time understanding.

Why am I writing all of this right now? I think it is because I have to acknowledge that I am broken, that my walls are up and that I don’t want them to be. I want to be free.

I was engulfed in a hug tonight that made me feel like I was whole again. That hasn’t happened in a very long time.

Intuition is a funny thing. It is the buzzword of 2015. But do people truly understand those of us that are emotional intuitives? That we feel energy in a way that is stronger than normal?

For me, people have often told me they can feel when I walk in a room. I notice it too – not because of the way I look or what I am wearing, but because of this energy I exude.

It is a bit tricky to understand.

I needed these few minutes to write. To acknowledge that I am an emotional intuitive and that I am off. I am used to people being drawn to me and wanting to touch me. Mostly though people, including random strangers want to hug me.

I’m afraid that the gift I had is gone or at least on a shelf somewhere deep inside me. Can I find it again?

Can I find my intuition again? I have felt so lost without it. I miss it. I need it.