On The Flight Over
I’m sitting on my flight bound for Chicago. I’m so damn nervous and excited too. I’m starting my 30-Day Detox tomorrow. I have no idea what that really means or looks like. I don’t have an overall plan, honestly, will make it up as I go along. I just know deep down that I need to do this. I’m on a ledge right now and I am using all my strength not to go over it. I’m pulling myself back, making sure I can stand on my own two feet.
It was great to see a juice place at McCarran Airport – just what my liver needed!
I live a life that others dream of. For me though, it is just my life. I share a lot of the happy times with people, especially on Facebook. I reserve the not-so-awesome times for my writings. Most of those you never read. It takes me a minute to decide if I want to share what I’m going through.
At first I wasn’t going to share this detox thing. What if I failed? What if I couldn’t do it? What if I did it and nothing changed? Then I thought, what if someone needs to see me do it so that they can make changes in their own life? That’s when I decided to publish that I was starting this detox journey.
So here I am flying to the opposite side of the country to where my original ticket was for. I’m supposed to be in Napa celebrating a friend’s birthday. I’m supposed to be wrapping up my travels in the Lower 48 and heading back to Alaska. I’m supposed to be doing a lot of things.
I woke up a couple days ago and started looking for flights to head back to Indiana. It was an unconscious decision and when I saw what was on the screen I knew what my subconscious was trying to tell me.
I needed help. I needed support. I needed to admit I’m struggling.
I’m overweight. I’m in pain. And I am not getting healthier no matter how hard I try.
Before I came to Vegas for CES, I had to go shopping and buy new pants a size larger than what I had been wearing for the last year. I cried in the dressing room as those pants were snug too. While at CES out with a man I adore, the pants I was wearing (different than the new ones) busted at the zipper. That was lovely.
I was embarrassed for my friends to see me at CES. It had been a year for most of them and just six months for those that lived in San Francisco. Seeing the look in their eyes when I approached confirmed what I felt – I was a lot heavier than the last time they saw me.
Weight isn’t the true issue for me. I have NO idea what it is like to have an amazing body and great legs. What is the issue is eating well, exercising, and still gaining weight and not knowing why. I have used My Fitness Pal as well as other diet trackers and rarely go over 1800 calories in a day, and typically stay under 1500. I have fitness trackers that count my steps, activity, and sleep. I do know why I am overweight – it is caused by a severe allergy to soy that I just can’t get on top of.
I never thought that I would still be battling weight issues in my 40s. I’m so done with this. SO DONE.
But like I said, it is more than just the weight. People, I’m getting hives on my face! How the hell am I supposed to date when I have hives on my nose and cheeks? It is not a good look I tell ya.
In case you missed this post as to why I am doing all of this.
Landed. Time to Road Trip.
Flying into Chicago means I still have a 5+ hour road trip to North Vernon, Indiana ahead of me. I set my navigation for Costco in Indianapolis and started to conceptualize what I want to put in and get out of these 30 days. This is a snippet of what I came up with.
- Only put good whole foods into my body. That’s it. Period. The end.
- Be diligent that nothing has come into contact with soy and that there is no soy secretly added in.
- Only eat organic meat, and if possible, only eat game meat and wild caught fish.
- No alcohol as my liver is already working overtime ridding my body of soy and it can’t take the added pressure from alcohol.
- If I am putting only good foods in to my body, then I also need to work on only putting in good thoughts and intentions. Boy, that will be hard!
- Exercise my body through yoga, very light running, and wait for it… CrossFit. I do modified CrossFit exercises while traveling and I am going back to the box where I learned to run again when I tore my Achilles. This, I might be the most scared of.
Thank you for everyone who has reached out with words of wisdom and support. My goal is write every day of this journey not only for you, but really for me.