The last couple of weeks have been strange. And confusing. Honestly, they have put me in a funk and I find that the wind in my sail has been depleted. I’m struggling to find peace and balance again, but feel like I am just spinning with no clear direction as to where to go or which way is up.
Yes, this is an update post on my fitness, but I
want need to share some of the other things. Writing is therapeutic for me and it is often where I find the answers to questions that are buried down deep inside. Take for instance, I wrote my first poem in 25 years this past week called Don’t Hide in Your Mind. Click on the link to read the story behind these words.
For the last few days I have slept hard and have had nightmares and serious battles raging throughout the night. Usually I can remember every detail of my dreams, but right now, they flitter away as soon as my eyes open. I wake up and feel like I have been in a fierce battle all night. I am drained, not refreshed, and drag myself out of bed to head to CrossFit.
New CrossFit Gym
Ahh, CrossFit. Most of you don’t know, but maybe you should read what my former CrossFit box wrote in the comments of this post and on Facebook: My 30-Day Detox Results Are In: 11lbs and 25″ Down and on Facebook. Needless to say, he is no longer my coach. I’m not openly talking about the situation for various reasons at the moment. What I will say is this – I was SO damn excited that I was able to maintain such a rigorous regimen as what I done for that 30 Day Detox. I was proud that I stuck with it each and every day. It was tough physically and mentally and some days I wanted to quit. But I didn’t. Then to have someone come in and bash that, well, that royally sucked.
I switched to 812 CrossFit, which is a woman-owned gym. I now go at 5:00am, which means I’m up even earlier at 4:00am. The class is huge and filled with a lot of women. Everyone in the class lifts each other up and there is no talking down to people who can’t do a move perfectly. I’ve only been to a handful of classes, but I’m enjoying it. I went to a wine and beer tasting this past weekend with a bunch of the women in my class and loved feeling included!
I’ve also reduced CrossFit to 4-5 days a week, instead of 6. They don’t have the 5am class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I’m still trying to figure out how to make the later class times work in my schedule. So far, I’ve been working out at home on those days.
Alaska vs. Indiana
I have received a ton of texts and calls lately as to when I am headed back up to Alaska. I was supposed to be in Fairbanks for all of March to help out at Mount Aurora Lodge, but that will now happen in the summer. At the same time, I have taken on the full-time position of being the Manager at my uncle’s craft beer bar, Vernon’s Ale House. I have committed to staying in Indiana through the end of March to help him. His stress level has gone down since I’ve been here and the bar is coming together one day at a time. Honestly, I’m just taking it one day at a time here. I’m completely torn up about not being back in Alaska already, but I am needed in Indiana right now. I haven’t had someone need me in a very long time and I am not sure what course I am supposed to go down.
Running two full-time businesses is a lot of hard work and precious time. For now, I am only writing for clients when I have time. I have found myself in a slump when it comes to my own writing. This last week I’ve doubted my abilities to make it as a professional writer and blogger. I’m not nearly as successful as most travel bloggers. Since I have written so many ghostwritten articles over the years, no one knows my name as a byline writer. I did it to pay the bills, and now I feel like I have been writing all this time and have nothing to really show for it. Should I continue writing? This is the question that keeps going over and over in my mind lately. I mean, does anyone really like what I have to say anymore?
Last week I didn’t weigh in or measure myself. I was still pretty pissed off with what happened with my reveal post. I will go back to the regular format next week. For now, just know that I have lost 2lbs and 5 inches in the last two weeks. In six weeks, I’ve lost 13 pounds and 30 inches!
I’ve added back in alcohol. Honestly though, in two weeks I’ve had two glasses of wine and one pint of beer. I also have had a couple tortillas (I am Mexican, after all :), which contains wheat and gluten. All-in-all, still eating 90% clean, whole organic foods. The head cook at the Alehouse is pretty damn fantastic and he makes me a high-protein meal everyday that is so delicious that I don’t miss all the things I’m not allowed to have.
I’ve Lost My Smile
A few days ago I was talking to a long-time friend and she said something that made me stop in my tracks – Kristi, you have lost your smile. She had been looking at my photos and sure enough, the last smile that reach my eyes was back in the first weekend of September. I remember that weekend clearly, and I was beyond happy, and it showed. Have you ever had a smile that reached every pore of your body and soul? Will I ever have one again?
I looked through my pics and she was right… I smile, but you can tell that they are more superficial. I don’t feel them deep inside. There are less and less pics of me over the last six months…
I’ve lost my smile.
I have hope that I will find it again one day. Until then, I will keep walking each day with purpose. Life will work itself out. One day I will find my missing smile. Have you seen it?
Psst… if you have a second, can you fill out this short survey on traveling to help me plan out a few things? Thank you 🙂