Why I’m Doing Video (transcript)
One of things I get asked about the most is to do video. Not only video of myself, but of Alaska, and all that I’m seeing here. I thought okay, I’m gonna try it again, because for some reason I have a hard time being raw on video like I am in my writing. So today I thought what better place than at Reflections Lake in Alaska to do my first video. I’m shooting it raw, without my hair done and without makeup on. I still have a hive on my nose from an allergic reaction from three weeks ago. Ugh.
This video is gonna be a couple minutes, hopefully you’ll stay and watch it and let me know how I did. I have been back in Alaska now for about a month and a half. I leave Tuesday to head to Denver for GABF. Then I’m coming back to Alaska and will stay for just few more weeks before I head out for both November and December. I decided this year that I really kind of missed my family and friends last holiday season. So this year I’m going down to the Lower 48, plus my nephew is playing football and I’d like to see a game or two before he heads off to college.
We often seek out what is familiar and end up with the same results. Want to change your path, then change what you seek. A nurturing soul can heal you, a loving soul can soothe you, and together they can create your home… wherever in the world that may be.
Some of you know what was going on with me over the last couple of years and that I lost my manuscript for a Girl on the Run last May. I have been unable to rewrite it. Well, I’m happy to say I wrote three chapters in the last couple weeks – which is awesome. I should hopefully have it done here shortly. I’m writing more today and it’s coming along. There was something that opened me up when I was down in San Francisco. I had a little bit of pain happened – emotional, not physical. That kind of pain opened up those writing floodgates again. I think every good writer knows that there’s a little bit of emotional hurt that comes from some of the deeper writings that we do. Those of you that know me, know that I don’t ever shy away from writing in an authentic voice. So that’s what I’m gonna do and why I’m here at Reflections Lake.
I hiked around this lake and each view around every corner was more breathtaking than the last.
I don’t know if you can see it in the video, but that mountain has Termination Dust on it, which is the first dusting of snow for the season. It really does reflect right down into the lake with all of the trees. Beautiful.
When You Look At Your Reflection, Do You Like What You See?
My question today for myself was – when you look at yourself in the mirror, and you look at your reflection, do you like what you see? Some days – yeah. Yeah, I really like who I am, and the woman that I’ve become. I can see the good things about me – I’m
strong and I can overcome a lot of hard things, which I know not everyone can. By being down on the ground and kicked, which is what it feels like a lot of the time, I find this inner strength that I’ve always had as a child, and it really comes out.
Another thing that I’m really grateful for is my intelligence. I know that seems kind of odd, but I think we don’t pride ourselves enough on being deep thinkers. I have a very serious personality and serious soul. I’ve always wanted to be one of those girls that was just flippant and fun, and that everybody loved to be around. People love being around me, but I sometimes I little much to take. I mean I have a serious personality and I need to lighten up a little bit. It is one of the things I am working on – being a little bit freer in that regards. I love that I can think through things. One of the great parts of that part of my personality is being able to empathize with others and see what they’re dealing with and knowing how it has nothing to do with me, and sometimes it does, so I look at that too.
Not Liking Your Physical Appearance
When you look at your reflection, sometimes you don’t like physically what you see. I’ll tell you, I freaking hate my legs, dammit I hate my legs. I hate this thing on my nose. I can’t believe I have to go to Denver and do live reporting. Ugh. You know, you want to feel pretty… I don’t really feel pretty anymore. I started this DietBet Challenge as I have put on a little bit more weight. I’ve had quite a few soy reactions. It’s my fault, as I am responsible for everything that goes in my mouth. Even when I ask the chef if it’s soy free, and they say yes, and then I get sick 30 minutes later. That’s how I know that it wasn’t. Anyways, long story short, I put on some weight over the summer. I am very aware that drinking beer and drinking wine contribute to that, but I do try to find a balance there. When I know I have to do beer or wine tastings, I get out and hike and get moving. Every day I have committed to doing a 100 squats, I’m up to 20 pushups without taking a break, but can only do 10 sit-ups. My tummy it really a beer belly :/ I’m trying! I’m a work in progress! I always like to say that I like my mind more than I like my thighs.
Reflections of My Dating Life
Some of you have asked – am I dating? What is going on there? It’s still not a part of me that I want to share at the moment. Although I do have a post, as I have been writing quite a bit about the different types of men that I date, and the similarities that they share. I’ve been writing down some notes about that. I really like intelligent men and they seem to be successful in whatever it is that they do. We end up becoming friends and eventually more, but never how that starts out. It always starts out in a friendship zone or meeting somewhere very happenstance. I’m a big believer in kismet and the Universe coming together putting me where I need to be there. The men that have made the most impact in my life have shown up at times when I had no idea that I wanted them to be around. So anyways, I’m writing this post about it all. It should be quite interesting because I have made some good self-realizations based on that, but back to today.
What’s Next For Me?
My thoughts are about where do I want to live what I want to do. You know I have been full-time traveling for 2.5 years now. I don’t have a place that I live in Alaska. Currently, I’ve been staying in hotels, I couchsurf when I can, and I have been camping when the weather’s nice. I still can’t really do the cold.
When I came back last month it was without a plan and that was a big part of how I’ve traveled the last two years. So now when I come back to Alaska in the Spring, I would either be in an RV so I can pull up to places like this and camp out. Or I would like to have a cabin or an apartment in Anchorage, but I don’t want to do this again of where I’m just hanging and figuring it out every day. I did that for two years and I’m ready to have a solid ground and a place to call home. I know that I have to have nature every day in order to create and when I’m stuck in an apartment I just don’t. I’m going to talk to some friends about the whole RV idea and will see what what happens there. Who knows I love being able to get on a plane and travel instead of driving everywhere so all these things I just I just don’t have the answers for.
**That cover photo looks a lot like Seward, Alaska to me!**
I know I’m gonna head to Florida in October, then going to go see my family in Indiana, and head to Arizona. I’m gonna miss
Alaska like crazy. I am kinda hoping its snows before I go. I want to build a snowman, make a snow angel, and do all those Alaska things. All my friends in Alaska just laugh at me when I say that because they ski, snowboard, and snowshoe. All those things that I didn’t get to do since there wasn’t a lot of snow last year here.
I’m at Reflections Lake doing some soul-searching this morning as to what makes me happy, what makes me find inner peace. And am I finding it? If not, how do I find it? Only you can bring happiness and inner peace into your life, nobody else can. That was really tough lesson to learn. I always thought that I would have it when I had the perfect house, or the perfect man, or whatever. That life would finally find meaning, You have to find meaning in yourself before any of those other things can come, and be.
Thankfully, I have found meaning and I am ready for that fun-love relationship, if that is what is meant for me. If it’s not, than I will keep traveling and keep writing. Writing is where my soul is the happiest and at 41 I’m happy to say I’m finally a professional writer.
Alright, thanks for joining me in my first video of filming in the raw… no hair, no makeup and just saying what’s on my mind right. Happy Sunday.
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