Talk Tuesday: How I Reconnect when I Am Stressed the Eff Out

It is the first full week in January and I am happy to write Talk Tuesday again after taking December off. Thank you for reading it as Talk Tuesday is my most read post every week. It is where you get to ask me whatever you want and I answer you here. Did you miss the prior weeks, take a peek as there is some good stories in there: Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7  | Week 8 | Week 9  | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12 | Week 13 | Week 14 | Week 15 | Week 16 | Week 17 | Week 18 | Week 19 | Week 20 | Week 21 | Week 22 | Week 23 | Week 24 | Week 25.  Have a question for me about anything under the sun? Ask away in the comments below before next Tuesday.

 

I have had requests today to expand on this part of my Facebook status this morning:

My mind is heavy, I’m super stressed, and I’m feeling a little lost this morning – and I know I need to break this cycle in order to learn and grow and find my path again.

I head back to Alaska in less than 48 hours. I’m very very, and I mean, very stressed out about that. For many different reasons. The first one is – I have no place to live. That’s the problem when you leave and move out unexpectedly. I have a lead on a room with a girl I met at the Talkeetna Bachelor Auction, but she isn’t back in town until February 1st. So that is 8 days I have to find a place to stay. The hardest part of full-time traveling is accommodations I tell ya.

For the first time in a long time, I don’t have any client work on my plate. That means no income. On the bright side though, that means I have time to work on my book and my blog. I have SO much content that needs to be written for the blog – SO much. I also want to put on my big girl panties and pitch the online publications that I want to write for. It’s exciting, but stressful at the same time. I need to hustle. Everyone has been talking about hustling lately – guess I better get my hustling ass into the game!

Then there is the topic of men. Men stress me the eff out. I am trying to be SO conscious of the errors of my past and not go down those same paths. I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycles over and over. Sometimes I do, but thankfully, I’m getting better.

I was dating a really great guy in Alaska before I left. I think he is amazing – very kind and incredibly nice. I also love that he is into fitness and healthy eating. I was happy and sad to hear he was dating someone else. I was gone a long time. But he was not completely attracted to me. You see, I am not thin, I know this. And I know when a man wants a woman to be more fit. I can’t fault him for it. I need to lose weight, I need to get back to being athletic. Not saying it doesn’t hurt, but I understand. We will still be friends – which I want more than anything.

Then there is the guy that makes my heart skip a beat whenever I am near him. I have now ran into him unintentionally eight times. I spent some time recently getting to know him better, watching him in business settings and seeing him in social situations. He is IT. But… he has other obligations in life and the timing isn’t right. But oh I wish it were. I dream about him. All.The.Time. But once again, I have to put one foot forward and not cry as I walk away from him. Again.

Alaska or San Francisco?

I don’t know. I really don’t know. There is a chance I might go to the Super Bowl in Phoenix still. What I think will happen is that for February I will be in Alaska. And I will be writing. It is time to rewrite the book. Then in March I want to see the Iditarod and from there I don’t know. I could then go to a couple conferences in the Lower 48. I’m working on a couple different contingency plans. But at this point but I have no idea what 2015 has in store for me. And that my friends, is scary as hell.

What do I do when life stresses me out?

This morning when I wrote that status I was a bit distraught. Yesterday I was in tears most of the day – it just seemed like so many things were hitting my plate at once and it was just too much. I couldn’t sleep last night. I tried from 11:00pm on until I finally fell asleep at 2:00am. I woke up before 7 and sleep continued to elude me. The bags under my eyes today were oh so nice.

I turned on the fireplace in my room (awesome!) and sat in front of it and thought of all the wonderful things that I have done the last three weeks – the list was long. I am utterly grateful for the experiences. I then said out loud what I wanted for my life. I did a few yoga poses and worked on getting my mind into the moment. Not into the past, not into the future, but in that one moment.

I’ve realized that driving soothes me – guess all those miles around the US have had an impact. 🙂 I had to drive to the city today to trade rental cars and that hour drive was good for me. On the way back to the hotel, I stopped and had some delicious Mexican food in The Mission. Carne Asada is oh so yummy!

On the way back to Napa, I stopped at a winery not because of their free wine tasting but because of the thousands of sheep they had in the vineyard (pics coming soon). Back at the hotel I drew a bubble bath and did something I haven’t done in years – I read a smut romance book I picked up in the lobby. Then I sat outside on my balcony and watched the ducks swim back and forth across the river.

I had planned so much writing today but what I really needed was to allow myself to feel the stress, figure out how to manage it, and let go. So I didn’t work today except for this post. And that’s ok. I’m giving myself a pass. A day off. A day spent alone. A day to rejuvenate. A day to allow myself to be ok with not having all the answers. A day to realize it is ok to feel alone and want more out of life. So today I just existed and that was ok. Tomorrow I can conquer the world.